In an editorial published last week titled, “If Attitudes Don’t Shift, A Political Dating Mismatch Will Threaten Marriage,” The Washington Post’s editorial board points out that political polarization in this country has reached the point where it is now a prominent, often decisive factor in determining who Americans settle on as their potential mates. They emphasize this trend is now so acute it may actually threaten the institution of marriage as a whole. In particular, it seems that Democratic women are rejecting potential Republican suitors not only for marriage but as relationship material, all across the board. The message the editorial conveys—perhaps hyperbolically, perhaps not—is that as a consequence of this shift in attitudes, marriage itself in this country is in jeopardy.
You left out the most important part.
Kids.
Yes, people’s attitudes change. You can undo everything else, but there is one thing you cannot undo: kids. There’s no going back from having a child, being a father, being a mother. Sure, there’s visitation, but that just sucks for everyone, especially the child.
Marriage is not so much a lifetime commitment to a spouse, as it is a commitment to the children you would eventually nurture.
As someone who grew up with divorced parents my biggest concern was having to deal with twice as many holiday parties. Do not stay together because of kids. If you actually care about your kids then split up and don’t try to use the kids as a barganing chip in the divorce. Be willing to work with the other parent on custody. Accept that you both need to spend time with your children (assuming there is no abuse going on). But growing up in a house with parents that hate each other is a good way to fuck up your kids for life.
yup. lived through two divorces; it’s not doing anyone any favors.
one, the kids can see it coming, unless they’re infants they know something is hinky and lying to them rarely works.
two, each individual now feels repeatedly obligated to try to make it work, to stifle the feelings they may have elsewhere or skip out on social events etc.,
I’ve never seen it work well, but boy howdy have I seen it work exceptionally poorly.
Take it from someone who grew up with parents that stayed together because they had kids. It’s terrible for everyone. Especially the kids. However bad you think visitation is, the alternative is worse.
I disagree, as a parent you can have children, but you’re stuck with your spouse for potentially the rest of your life. Your kids will probably move out of your house at some point, pursue careers and start their own families. Your kids are not going to live with you forever.