I disagree, I believe that when people use the term affair they’re explicitly referring to something non consensual which would mean cheating. I’ve never heard it used to imply anything related to any form of ethical non monogamy. (But I may be wrong.)
The way I understand the word, it’s more of a “fling”, or a short-term relation, as opposed to something long-lasting or structured. Which, for example, can be fully okay and include no shadiness if it’s communicated with the partner or partners.
I guess words change meaning over time, and since the default has been monogamy for so long, the word is still stigmatized and associated with cheating since it means something short?
As an example, single people can often be heard to have had vacation affairs, which wouldn’t imply cheating since they are single. But the word is used in that context too.
Emotional cheaters are still cheaters. All fucking cheaters can be taken straight to the fucking trash. I don’t care how they do it. I don’t care when or what time or age or whatever blah, blah, blah - I just strongly hold the stance fuck cheaters. I’m not talking about a stroll in the park, or a business plan. I am talking about people who are snakes who intentionally and selfishly walk past a series of boundaries and filters because they’ve got their heads in their asses.
I thought about this the other day because one of the comedians on Dr. Katz eventually came out as gay. And I am most certain he cheated on his SO during that time. But also people still cruise, and I think there is a lot of cheating between individuals of some queer nature who seemingly want more than they can barter for as a whole. Because I am not saying monogamy is the only way, it’s just the way for me. But that’s neither here nor there. I just want to say that I grew up sort of staggering between two generations. All my friends at one time were older than me, and I got a lot of Gen X influence from that - while still being a stanky Millennial. I can’t speak on what exactly Gen X thought could or would be plausible for the queer community as a whole. Because I only know what I thought. And what I thought, was that we could never get married. That we would always have to live our lives in the shadows. And I have lived a considerable amount of my own life in the closet - even when I am a loud and proud lesbian. On account of the default thinking of individuals being that I am just a quirky individual yet nice individual, and that I was I guess…too nice to be gay? Because being gay, for quite some time, was pretty much the worst thing you could be. It meant you were a pedophile, a rapist, mentally ill, damned for all eternity - etc. And I mean, I am not saying that we’re leaps and bounds from that, but it is relatively better.
But a simple explanation I’ve given my gal, who comes from a very different background that me - is that in certain communities you “cannot even be gay.” Like it’s like an option that doesn’t even exist, and it was that way for a long time. And I do know that it has changed a bit, but it’s yet again - not by leaps and bounds. And the are still socially acceptable behaviors that straights get to tout 100xs more than queers regardless of how many radical marches or “funny characters” you see in the media.
So this all circles back to individuals like cruisers - or people who cheat with same sex individuals. All cheating, as I said before, I think is bullshit. And no, I don’t think being in an non-monogamous relationship with another individual and having sex with other individuals means they’re cheating. I do think there can be cheating, when you’re not playing by the rules or breaking others boundaries intentionally without conversing on it and knowingly harming or lying to your partner(s) for your own personal gain. But even that’s kind of simplified view of it all. But I mean I am aware that we’re human, and they we’re flawed - and that cheating is nothing new and that to some it means far more than to others. And that there is also a huge debate on whether or not humans themselves are monogamous or if it’s a puritanical social construct. BUT! If I never thought that we could get married, yet lo and behold - we can. I am not sure what I would do personally if I didn’t think I could be actively gay. As in, if I were an individual trapped in a relationship that perhaps mentally fulfilled me but physically couldn’t. Or that the very act of something my body needed - was sinful. But also, you know some people get off on that stuff.
But all things aside, this is to say - that I think that this is a larger and more complicated issue than just wanting to bang someone. I mean, all cheating can have layers to it - but queer sex has generations of oppression that individuals are either trying to combat or hide (I think it shifts by generation but of course there’s always outliers). And so in this sense I believe if there were some kind of “green-pass” to same-sex cheating it’d probably be due to something here.
But in my view, there isn’t. And I think you might be a little homophobic if you’re not joking. And also I am a queer who doesn’t believe in that stuff, and I was dating a guy at the time I came out and we most definitely split before I ever was deep in the poon. So it’s not like we’re all just a bunch of cheating heathens.
Fuck cheaters. They’re pieces of shit. You wanna cheat? Fix your shit, or leave your relationship you human piece of shit.
I’m not sure if an affair directly implies cheating.
There are many ways to coexist with a partner or partners, and many ways to cheat or otherwise lie/conceal stuff.
Neither as a premise include an affair, but both certainly can.
I disagree, I believe that when people use the term affair they’re explicitly referring to something non consensual which would mean cheating. I’ve never heard it used to imply anything related to any form of ethical non monogamy. (But I may be wrong.)
The way I understand the word, it’s more of a “fling”, or a short-term relation, as opposed to something long-lasting or structured. Which, for example, can be fully okay and include no shadiness if it’s communicated with the partner or partners.
I guess words change meaning over time, and since the default has been monogamy for so long, the word is still stigmatized and associated with cheating since it means something short?
As an example, single people can often be heard to have had vacation affairs, which wouldn’t imply cheating since they are single. But the word is used in that context too.
Emotional cheaters are still cheaters. All fucking cheaters can be taken straight to the fucking trash. I don’t care how they do it. I don’t care when or what time or age or whatever blah, blah, blah - I just strongly hold the stance fuck cheaters. I’m not talking about a stroll in the park, or a business plan. I am talking about people who are snakes who intentionally and selfishly walk past a series of boundaries and filters because they’ve got their heads in their asses.
Unless they cheat by going to a same sex couple. Then it is somehow ok.
I thought about this the other day because one of the comedians on Dr. Katz eventually came out as gay. And I am most certain he cheated on his SO during that time. But also people still cruise, and I think there is a lot of cheating between individuals of some queer nature who seemingly want more than they can barter for as a whole. Because I am not saying monogamy is the only way, it’s just the way for me. But that’s neither here nor there. I just want to say that I grew up sort of staggering between two generations. All my friends at one time were older than me, and I got a lot of Gen X influence from that - while still being a stanky Millennial. I can’t speak on what exactly Gen X thought could or would be plausible for the queer community as a whole. Because I only know what I thought. And what I thought, was that we could never get married. That we would always have to live our lives in the shadows. And I have lived a considerable amount of my own life in the closet - even when I am a loud and proud lesbian. On account of the default thinking of individuals being that I am just a quirky individual yet nice individual, and that I was I guess…too nice to be gay? Because being gay, for quite some time, was pretty much the worst thing you could be. It meant you were a pedophile, a rapist, mentally ill, damned for all eternity - etc. And I mean, I am not saying that we’re leaps and bounds from that, but it is relatively better.
But a simple explanation I’ve given my gal, who comes from a very different background that me - is that in certain communities you “cannot even be gay.” Like it’s like an option that doesn’t even exist, and it was that way for a long time. And I do know that it has changed a bit, but it’s yet again - not by leaps and bounds. And the are still socially acceptable behaviors that straights get to tout 100xs more than queers regardless of how many radical marches or “funny characters” you see in the media.
So this all circles back to individuals like cruisers - or people who cheat with same sex individuals. All cheating, as I said before, I think is bullshit. And no, I don’t think being in an non-monogamous relationship with another individual and having sex with other individuals means they’re cheating. I do think there can be cheating, when you’re not playing by the rules or breaking others boundaries intentionally without conversing on it and knowingly harming or lying to your partner(s) for your own personal gain. But even that’s kind of simplified view of it all. But I mean I am aware that we’re human, and they we’re flawed - and that cheating is nothing new and that to some it means far more than to others. And that there is also a huge debate on whether or not humans themselves are monogamous or if it’s a puritanical social construct. BUT! If I never thought that we could get married, yet lo and behold - we can. I am not sure what I would do personally if I didn’t think I could be actively gay. As in, if I were an individual trapped in a relationship that perhaps mentally fulfilled me but physically couldn’t. Or that the very act of something my body needed - was sinful. But also, you know some people get off on that stuff.
But all things aside, this is to say - that I think that this is a larger and more complicated issue than just wanting to bang someone. I mean, all cheating can have layers to it - but queer sex has generations of oppression that individuals are either trying to combat or hide (I think it shifts by generation but of course there’s always outliers). And so in this sense I believe if there were some kind of “green-pass” to same-sex cheating it’d probably be due to something here.
But in my view, there isn’t. And I think you might be a little homophobic if you’re not joking. And also I am a queer who doesn’t believe in that stuff, and I was dating a guy at the time I came out and we most definitely split before I ever was deep in the poon. So it’s not like we’re all just a bunch of cheating heathens.
???
That’s called sarcasm. You can tell by the “somehow ok” part.
Yeah, I get that, but it still makes it sound like there is some group of people who believe it isn’t cheating if they’re the same sex.