A contact of mine suggested me to join a support group to find people with similar difficulties and talk to them.
I found a group nearby, but I’m a bit reluctant to go. I can feel myself making up excuses as to why it would not be a good idea.
- I don’t feel like it would be helpful.
- I will feel like they have even more severe issues than me and I can’t relate.
- It’s a group with 10 people, so I feel like it’s a bit too much for me. I feel like I will just let everybody else talk and be silent like usual.
- I was a bit sick in the past weekend and I’m worried about making other people sick (even though it’s kinda over)
Anybody already went to a support group before, what was your experience?
Lower the barrier. Ask if you can join briefly with a video call to get to know the group. Some people will delay reaching out for decades, making their life harder. You can bet that people in the group will even share exactly this feeling and situation with you. If you really believe it might help to reach out, but you’re standing in your way, try a smaller step in the direction
Thanks, I definitely know the feeling of delaying reaching out. I’ve basically dealt with all my issues on my own in the first 20 years of my life, even didn’t really talk to family about it. (didn’t really talk in general) And I’m more and more aware of how difficult i’ve made things for myself by doing that. Not that it’s easy, but everytime I talk about it, it’s useful in some way.
Absolutely spot on. If you’ve already delayed a lot, then reduce the pressure on yourself. You already made a huge leap by even accepting that you might need additional support. You don’t have to force yourself to now make up for potentially lost time or anything. Take your time to progress at your own pace. If you feel like you’re pressuring yourself towards a potential goal, you might set yourself up for failure. Be kind to yourself and don’t demand too much.
When you hear people talking openly about emotional challenging situations in their daily life, which you can relate to, but most people in your regular surroundings can not, that can be extremely emotionally relieving to a degree that is impossible to anticipate. It’s really worth it. But you want to feel comfortable on your way there. Slow pace is fine as long as you are moving towards your own goals.
Maybe it can also help you if you think differently about your goals. It’s not like a sprint in sports. Even if you might think you have to reach certain goals to function in society, and reaching them faster would obviously be better. This is not a competition. You set your own goals for yourself and nobody else sets the rules on how to get there. Your goals are more like a beacon. Even if there are strong headwinds every once in a while, or you take a break and just relax in the sun, you can still clearly see them and continue to steer in their direction, as long as you consider it to be right. You are in control
I realise that a big part of the difficulties I experienced was because I never really took a moment to sit still and check whether what I was doing made sense. Like, is this actually what I want to do, is this even good for me? (mentally and physically)
I finally got the time to think a bit, and it made so much difference. At the beginning you still feel a lot of pressure from yourself, because obviously there is a financial part to it. But even beyond that, I noticed I always wanted to be doing something productive (Like doing exercise, making better food, learning some skill, etc.)
After a while (and doing a bit more meditation), the perspective started to shift and I started to realise that most things are much more bearable, if not even fun, when you start just taking your time, not rushing yourself, not trying to optimise everything. This applies to work, but also hobbies, like gaming and browsing the internet. Even gaming becomes stressful if you are always looking for the next goal, the next target and your start filling hours upon hours with that activity.
Talking with other people seems to put this into perspective. It’s so easy to tell somebody else to not worry about something and take it easy. But then you realise that they could give that same advice to you and it would still apply. Sometimes just acting/talking towards yourself with the same concern and compassion that you show other people (even strangers) can be so helpful.
This is spot on. I feel like it’s also important to not misunderstand meditation. Nobody is forcing you into a lotus position. Open the windows wide, get naked under 2 blankets, close your eyes as if you were going to sleep, listen to the wind, feel every single sensation on your body, try to focus on YOU and your body. You don’t have to try to force yourself to not think, just don’t try to solve problems. Try to let these thoughts go. This doesn’t mean the problem goes away, but this is not the time. Right now we let it go and try to think of how we’re actually on a beach and the wind rushing through the leaves of the trees outside is actually the sound of waves… Or, you know, whatever works for you to ground yourself and have absolutely pure “me time”.
If you’re asking yourself how that does anything, the idea is that it should help you to detach yourself from coping mechanisms and behavioral patterns that are motivated by external factors, instead of what you truly feel you need. You might start to really crave these relaxation sessions that you designed for yourself. When you are in deep relaxation, you will easily be able to divide the thoughts that are forced onto you from those truly driven by your own internal desire for the happiness that exclusively you imagine to be right, just like the relaxation environment itself.