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This cartoon can’t exist. Urinal etiquette requires:
That you should have one empty urinal between you and the next guy if at all possible. And always go to the nearest open urinal when you enter.
And that you look straight ahead and never look to either side of you. You must stare solely at the wall straight ahead of you. Thoughtful establishments hang pictures or current sales flyers at eye level to look at while peeing.
And most of all, you must never speak to anyone in there. So there is absolutely no way this cartoon can happen in the real world.
if at all possible
I hate that I’m arguing the reality of a comic world, but we can’t see the rest of the wall. We don’t know if there’s 2/3 urinals total, making it impossible to leave a buffer urinal between them.
Also, without considering it a “rule” I leave an empty urinal between as well, but I don’t go as far as resorting to using a stall if I only have to pee. That’s just silly…
You’re kidding yourself. The norm in American bars is to have two urinals whose porcelain touches, and everyone pees with their buddy while having a bombastic chat.
Or it’s a country bar and you have to pee in a common trough.
Because everyone everywhere always follows etiquette without fail?
I cover big public board meetings as part of my job, and when I go on breaks, I tend to use the bathroom, because I am a person. Without fail, someone will come in and talk to me while I’m pissing. I don’t personally care, I was in the Marines for a bit and they beat all of that out of you (i.e., a room with eight toilets and that’s it, no walls, nothing, just eight toilets, four on each wall so you can face each other). Regardless though, I never walk in and talk to someone randomly, so it’s strange to me that others do it to me. I guess I just look like a nice guy.
In the men’s bathroom, violating any of these rules of etiquette brings the death penalty.
death peenalty
Dem’s the rules…Follow them or become the outcast.
Jes it is an instinct, written into the Male DNA…
I’m a guy who can pee confidently for minutes and I always like to look around when peeing. Oh, and I’ll get the urinal that’s the closets to you, that way I don’t have to scream when I’ll start a discussion with you. Yes, I’m a bit of a pervert.
You are either a republican or a pervy pervert.
./
Legend has it that alpha males stand in front of each other when they pee, looking straight into each other’s eyes and sometimes arm wrestling with their free hand.
Just don’t shake it more than twice while its in your hand and the police needn’t be involved
No matter how many times you shake it, the last drop will still end in your pants
Press up on your taint. Helps much!
Tust du schütteln oder stoßen - der letzte Tropfen geht in’d Hosen. Ancient German proverb.
I lived in a house once that had a urinal and it was the best thing ever, especially for the first pee of the day. Normalize home urinals!
All houses have at least one urinal. The cool thing is, you’re also able to wash your hands in it afterwards!
Yeah no, other people use that thing to put their hands, toiletries and so on
It was a joke
I just pee outside.
Use a urinal while wearing shorts and you’ll change your opinion. I avoid them as much as I can preferring to sit, but sometimes that option is worse than the urinal…
Well, it doesn’t work so well with morning wood, but at all other times I aim toward the bottom so the pee’s hitting the back wall at less than about a 30° angle. I guess compared to sitting there’s gonna be more splash back, but even with shorts I don’t really notice anything. I’m sure it’d be different if you power blast the wall or base at 90°.
Maybe it depends on the urinal? In the US I have seen urinals that basically reach from the floor to your waist, which I imagine involves some splashing. Here in Europe I’ve only seen the ones that are way smaller, around waist height.
Those aren’t so common due to cost. But those have the advantage of allowing someone who is tall and someone who is short to be able to comfortably pee.
Well. This comic certainly isn’t making it easier.
Why are you reading comics at the urinal while you’re trying to pee?
jokes on you guys I’m reading this while peeing on a regular toilet where I can relax
It helps me relax. Usually.
HEY @jerkface@lemmy.ca IS JUST HOLDING HIS WEENER
And a phone.
Whoever drew this, had never gone to an urinal in his life
I don’t understand why they don’t just install partitions. One that goes from the very bottom to the very top. A thin plank would do it. Not these 50cm pseudo partitions. That’s why I prefer to use a cabin when a lot of people are peeing.
no, not partitions. Urinal booths. I want to be isolated from other men when I have my dick out.
Come to our uni. Each toilets at our faculty have the first cabin be a urinal for some reason. Real nice if you a re a shy pisser.
My trick for dealing with “blushing bladder” is a Palovian response on myself. I realized I had certain pee triggers. Long story short, there are certain places and situations that cause me to need to urinate. So I figured why not use a word as a trigger? While at home I began saying the trigger word just as I felt the flow begin. Every time I pee, I say the word. My blushing bladder went away. Some of the music venues i frequent have urinals literally elbow to elbow so it’s awkward but there’s no trouble when I say the trigger word. The only problem now is people look at me weird when I’m looking at my dick saying “shazam”.
I just push really hard and force the pee out like a fucking man.
I read on reddit one time—years and years ago—that doing simple multiplication can help occupy the part of your brain keeping you from pissing. A sequence like 2x2=4, 4x4=16, 16x16=256…etc.
I’ve been doing that ever since, and it really helps. Usually by the time I get to doing 16x16 in my head, I’m already peeing.
I do the same type of thing, but I just swish saliva around in my mouth. For some reason that gets my mind off it and next thing I know, I’m peeing.
Gomer, is that you?
Surprise, surprise, surprise!
Count the number of tiles in front of you, solve some math problems in your head, think about what to do next saturda- shit, some guy just moved next to me. Is he looking? Maybe I should pull out my phone and check lemmy. …but then people will think I’m recording them piss, and the fact that I’m still not pissing will further justify their suspicions. Maybe I should just pretend to have a small coughing fit and that’s why I can’t pee. But then people will start looking, and maybe even worry I’ll spray them accidentally. Oh the guy finished peeing. I’ll just wait until he leaves the room then. Oh another guy just entered. Well, he doesn’t know anything so I’ll just pretend I finished peeing and hold it in for the rest of the day.
The only solution that realiably has worked for years for me is to ignore the standing pee spots and just go the the pooper cabin and pee there. Done. Works every time. Sometimes it gets weird waiting for one to open when the standing pee spot is available but the alternative is worse.
I always look at the smallest distinct shape at the wall in front of me (spots mostly do the trick) and start imagine shapes in it, like looking at the clouds. The world around me then just zoom out and everything turns liquid. Don’t even need drugs 😄 Though a couple of beers help immensly
Look at the tiles and imagine the grout lines are an infinite grid of 1 ohm resistors. I wonder what the resistance is between two points a knight’s move apart…dammit I’ve been standing here for hours again
This guy ohm’s
The only evidence of the “grand gay conspiracy” people keep talking about is the existence of bath-tub (multi-user) urinals.
I haven’t seen one of those since I was a kid when my redneck racist homophobic dad would drag us to the dirt track to watch other drunk rednecks race each other in their first track cars… Hang on…
Yea nah, that is not a sexy situation.
I would have thought trough over tub… but i guess that depends entirely on the type of multi-user you’re going for…
I sometimes think that maybe as a society we’d be better off relaxing nudity taboos or something.
For me its the pressure of someone waiting to use it after me, especially when its a lot of people like a packed pub or break time at a show/live music/event etc.
The amount of times if have pretended to have finished, gone washed my hands a walk out only to wait 10mins to go try again…it’s not that it’s just that public toilets are an uneasy place and therefore it’s hard to relax, especially when standing up at a urinal instead of sitting down
You usually sit down at urinals?
I dunno even pets like dogs have to make eye contact with their owner while shitting to feel comfortable and they know nothing of our puritanical ways.
Most dogs view their humans as pack alphas, and in nature they feel vulnerable to attack while they’re shitting. So they look to the alpha to see that they’re safe. They don’t so much want you to watch them as to look beyond and behind them so they can see your reaction if something starts approaching.
I upvoted, but mine’s a sighthound and she don’t care…
Only sometimes?
Totally agree. Or maybe there could be a little fig leaf dispenser by the urinals so all the shy guys can hide their junk from god whilst they micturate.
You do know it’s not a requirement to use the urinal, they also have private pee booths as well.
That’s where they get ya
Us normal pissers also listen to the booths when we suspect a weener-holder.
That’s why I act like I’m pooping. I’ll sit down and make grunt noises while aiming my piss at the side of the bowl so no one hears I’m actually peeing. Because that’s less embarrassing than knowing you all think I’m too afraid to piss in front of you. I even pull toilet paper out and wipe it on my thigh so all you actual Weiner holders believe I’m wiping my ass. Who’s the fool now? Not only was I too afraid to pee in front of you, I convinced you I was taking a manly shit while you probably nodded in approval at the other Weiner holders next to you. Check mate.
Oldest trick in the book. But you haven’t thought about the smell!
That’s why you should never properly clean the asshole and carry a shit mark on the trousers.
Thats why you allways carry some older poop with you
That’s why randomly drop change into the bowl to make people think I’m doing a twozy.
Yeah if you want to wait a lot longer
I said. I can’t HEAR YOU PISS!
I’ve never used a urinal. it’s weird and also some of them are disgusting, they almost guarantee splashback
edit: are, not ate
If you’re eating at a urinal you’re doing something wrong
lol
“Nice watch”
