I took medication between '09 and '14. I got off of it because it was hella expensive. I adapted routines to keep me on track, and it worked for a long time.

But lately, I’m not doing well. And this community and a couple different YouTube channels helped me realize that I’m not doing well, and I need help. I’m forgetting things more than ever. I leave keys in cars. I leave doors unlocked. I forget meetings. I am several hundred emails behind at work. I am ignoring responsibilities because I’m feeling behind and overwhelmed. I go to the grocery store and come home with fifty bucks worth of junk food I never intended to buy, if I even go grocery shopping at all. Conversations feel like an out of body experience. I miss fully half of what is said to me.

It came to a head earlier this week. My wife was out of town and I took the dogs to the park myself. I left the front door open while I was gone for two hours. Fortunately, nobody came inside (checked the cameras) and the cats didn’t find a way out. But it was terrifying.

I’d already had a psych eval in early September and got my report back about five weeks ago, but I procrastinated on calling my doctor to get a prescription. I did finally see him about a ten days ago, and he said he’d prescribe me some Adderall once the psychologist’s office faxed him the report so I called them to have that done. By Tuesday this week, I hadn’t heard back about scripts, and after that incident with the door, I needed to know something. I needed to be a squeaky wheel.

Fast forward to today, and I have my medicine in hand. I really hope to see results in the next few months once we get my dose figured out. I’m just so tired of living in a mental fog all the time.

Last time, I felt so broken because I needed a drug to function like a normal human. These days, I’ve shed myself of that line of thought. If I can’t make my own neurotransmitters, store bought is fine.