I was trying to explain federated websites to a friend and she asked if there is a federated dating app. She recently went through a break up and the apps are dreadful as I’m sure many of you know.

It’d be hard to launch a dating system on the fediverse because it the type of service that relies heavily on network effects. People want to be on the dating app with the most people. However, I think there is an opportunity because the mainstream apps are so notoriously awful, monetized, and enshitified.

It could be a community within an existing network or it could be its own website. I don’t know, I’m just putting the idea out there.

  • sabreW4K3@lazysoci.alEnglish
    3·
    5 hours ago

    Hey, I didn’t say the crop was great.

    Since that research went public, they had a redesign of the app, I dunno if that fixed the security issues, so don’t quote me on that. I do know that their socials are decent.

    In general though, dating apps are a female lead experience. Misogyny means that a lot, (most in my personal experience), reject that experience. So where women being the commodity should be finding the men and initiating contact. Instead they believe it’s more romantic if a guy finds them and messages first. I’ve got friends that don’t open the apps except to check likes and respond to messages, not being proactive in the least. There’s a bunch of profiles without faces citing work reasons. Women will demand creative opening messages and then respond with the lamest, low effort response ever. Women on dating apps need to realise they rule the world and lead by example.

    I think Bumble has the closest thing to the perfect model, but holy fuck the Match group decided to turn it into a piece of shit. The Match group should be broken up, it’s a monopoly and it’s a hindrance to happy healthy relationships.

    • jjjalljs@ttrpg.networkEnglish
      5·
      5 hours ago

      Match group 100% should be broken up.

      I think a lot of people, of all genders, are surprisingly bad at the skills needed to use a dating app successfully. People dead end conversations and then are like “why aren’t I having fun conversations?”

      Like, a profile says “I love SomeBand”. You write “hey! SomeBand is my favorite. Did you see their new music video? I don’t know how they got those cats to act!” And then respond with “no”, end of message. I’m just like my friend, that is not how you use this tool. What do you think is going to happen next?

      But yeah, women refusing to take initiative probably isn’t helping. But the roots of that are pretty deep in our sexist society, and I don’t see that changing any time soon.

      • rglullis@communick.newsEnglish
        3·
        4 hours ago

        “why aren’t I having fun conversations?”

        You are taking their question at face value. What they really mean is why am I not being contacted by attractive people?

        • jjjalljs@ttrpg.networkEnglish
          1·
          22 minutes ago

          Maybe sometimes. Most modern apps you can only message if you’ve both signaled interest, so if you’re getting messages from people you’re not attracted to I’d ask why you swiped on them in the first place.

          Secondly, if you get a message and aren’t interested, it’s better to just unmatch. If you don’t have time to respond fully now, then just don’t say anything. If you send a half-ass response, you look kind of bad and the other person might bail. Who wants to talk to someone who, based on all available evidence in this scenario, can’t hold a conversation? The main thing on these app is trying to make yourself look good. Making yourself look like someone who can’t compose a sentence isn’t doing yourself any favors.

      • sabreW4K3@lazysoci.alEnglish
        4·
        4 hours ago

        Don’t get me started on men on dating apps. Obviously my experience is second hand, but from what I can gather, it’s generally a race to send a dick pic, them thinking money can buy everything, them having as you said no idea how to have a conversation and then there’s the ones that get no response and so start with the harassment.

        One thing that I find really perplexing is all the profiles that state, “no pen pals”, what’s the point of being on a dating app if you’re not going to vet people. It’s like letting someone do surgery because they look like a doctor and then wondering why they’re on trial for murdering the village. I just wanna figure out if we have sustained chemistry. If you can’t be arsed to message me for a week or two, you’re not gonna wanna date me are you?!

        • jjjalljs@ttrpg.networkEnglish
          1·
          4 minutes ago

          We have different takes about “pen pals”. I don’t want to message someone for weeks before meeting up. I do like

          • initial tailored message (eg: “Your profile says you love Kelly Link! Did you read her new novel? I really enjoyed it”)
          • if they respond badly, exit (eg: “no”)
          • one or two responses (eg: if they say “No! I’ve only read her short stories! Was it good?” then we can have a brief conversation about it)
          • clear any dealbreakers (eg: if i had a kid, i’d ask something like “Just wanted to make sure you saw the thing on my blurb about my kid. Are you cool with dating a single parent?”)
          • If that all goes well, ask something like “Do you want to have a date and see if we get along in person?”

          That’s it. All done. Meeting up for a drink is low cost and low risk, but very information dense. I can get a better feel for if I want to invest in them after an hour in person than I can with a week of texting.

          This is written from the perspective of a man who doesn’t date men. I can’t speak authoritatively about other experiences, but second hand none of my women friends have enjoyed prolonged texting without meeting.