Hello everyone. I recently learned there are a handful of people in my community who engage in non-barriered intercourse by default (sex with multiple partners without condoms).
I try to keep to only one non-barriered partner, to minimize any STI spread that may occur. Though testing is important, there are risks that 1. A test may be wrong, and 2. An infection can be introduced and spread after a successful clean test.
Also, my partner has a history of getting BV if her non-barriered partner(s) have other non-barriered partners. So, we keep it to only one non-barriered partner (for intercourse).
Any thoughts on this? Is it ethical to have more than one? Is it sustainable to only have one?
I’m navigating this with my partners right now.
I’ve decided to go barrier-free with my two partners, and use condoms with everyone else.
We are a pretty incestuous polycule and mostly use barriers with those outside the friend group, and we’re all tested frequently. ~3 months.
Me and one of my partners also take daily doses of PrEP, which nearly eliminates the risk of contracting hiv. I’m also fully vaccinated, so the only thing I could potentially get that can’t be eliminated with drugs is herpes, but that is very treatable.
I use a condom with everyone and I think it’s insane people don’t. I don’t trust everyone in the world. I somewhat trust my partners but I certainly don’t trust their partners, or their partners’ partners, or their partners’ partners’ partners’.
But I can’t control them or their decisions. Only my own. So I use a condom. Simple. Effective.
(I just realised I’m responding to a post that’s a month old but I already wrote this so here you go)
I think it’s about what you want and find comfortable for yourself. For me, I’ve been poly for like 12 years and it’s wild how the community has changed. In 2011 people thought the idea of coming out to your family or work colleagues was absolutely ludicrous (someone on the polyamory subreddit c. 2012 told me it was like telling my colleagues I like anal sex, fun times). Now it’s pretty well accepted as something you should expect to do.
So too have the feelings about barrier free sex. In 2011 it was a given that you’d only have one barrier-free partner and that you had an implied right to know their level of barrier use with their other partners. Things have relaxed a lot, and rightly so because there’s a lot of stigma around STI that is completely unearned as they are all highly treatable if you have the financial means and caught early (yes, even HIV).
So now, I have barrier sex by default with new partners and the conversation about changing that happens organically. They know what my risk tolerence level is, and I know theirs, and we mutually can make a decision about whether our risk profiles are compatible.
