So I go to a work party, and honestly I don’t know anyone that well, I work from home mostly, but I come in to show my face and do all the niceties. Talk about some shit, mostly work (not work work but like work, you know?) and then the conversation kind of fizzles out (related point: why the fuck do people sometimes ask me something and then WALK AWAY TO TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE a few seconds into my answer?).

I don’t think I’m BAD at speaking to people. I’m sure as shit better at it than they are, why can’t THEY think of something to say? Annoying.

Also whenever someone says hi to me I kind of don’t know how to treat them but it’s because I can’t REMEMBER. I have introduced myself to SOoooo many people who then are like yeah yeah we’ve met actually I planned your wedding and I’m like what the fuuuuuuuck you DID? Not doing that shit again, you guys reveal yourself first, do YOU remember ME? You do? OK yes of course I know you too.

Tangent: I’m not even diagnosed with anything and of course I have it in my head that I don’t look autistic, not like you guys that I clock from a mile away, though honestly I am not even sure about this. I kind of feel like everyone else can tell? As a kid I would fight with this girl who sat next to me and she would tell me I was speaking in a monotone, and I would be like what the fuck girl, I am talking so melodiously right now, what can’t you hear?

Back to the point. You know what I do wanna do with people? Activities. Do something with me, anything at all so we don’t have to small talk, and my personality will shine. I promise I’m cool, it’s just you work colleagues all kinda suck. Actually, clubs suck. I make all MY friends outside smoking cigarettes. If you want me, I’ll be outside with the cool people.