I experience pretty high levels of gender dysphoria, but I don’t think a formal gender transition (medical, social) makes sense for me. So, I’m trying to enjoy my gender and thus my life more by doing things that are (privately) very gender euphoric for me but don’t significantly lessen my cis-enough-presentation and -privilege. I’m realizing that chastity cages can play a greater role in this.
I remember the first time I bought a cage and tried it out at home. The session ended in disappointment, when I discovered that I could pull out of the cage. My early chastity play was closely linked to dressing up, sexual activities, and fantasy (e.g., permanent chastity, anal only orgasms).
Another discovery and frustration has been the tentative conclusion that I can’t fully come from anal stimulation and may not ever be able to. Right now, I don’t have much desire to perform another test of 3 weeks of penile abstinence and endure the psychological frustration that comes with it in pursuit of the elusive full anal orgasm.
My new mantra is “chastity is just clothing,” meaning that I want it to be a part of my daily life and routine that is purposeful and not really sexual. Because I really like aspects of chastity. I find putting a cage on for some reason instantly feminizes my posture and gait a bit. Not feeling a dangle or erection between my legs and having a cage on to advertise that I’m bottom-only is a positive affirmation of my true self that makes both looking at porn and simply being out in public in real life more fulfilling. Riding a dildo is also more fun while locked. I haven’t tried this yet, but chastity augmenting submissive dynamics with a keyholder sounds like lots of fun.
I can pretty comfortably stay locked for 12 hours with my current cage, and this period can align pretty well with getting ready in the morning and getting ready for bed. So, I’m going to keep doing that with an eye to maybe get another cage and/or experiment with taking a break during the day and getting into overnight wear
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Another discovery and frustration has been the tentative conclusion that I can’t fully come from anal stimulation and may not ever be able to. Right now, I don’t have much desire to perform another test of 3 weeks of penile abstinence and endure the psychological frustration that comes with it in pursuit of the elusive full anal orgasm.
Just want to comment to say the abstinence thing is largely a myth. If that’s your goal you should be working on your kegel exercises. It’s not going to happen overnight though.
You can do these on someone who is AMAB by contracting the muscles of your perineum (the area between your testes and anus), which are the muscles you use to start/stop urination, prolong an orgasm, or lift your cock upwards while erect. Focus on isolating those muscles specifically so if you’re also contracting your anus or abdominals you’re not getting the correct spot. Start by holding for a five seconds and then releasing a few times a day and steadily work up to longer durations.
Chastity, at least solo, isn’t my cup of tea so I don’t have any advice there, but good luck on your journey!
I really appreciate your comment - good fediverse community-building - and also the plug for kegal exercises in particular. I’ve never really given them much thought, but I think it’s time to explore them. Thanks again :D
Sure thing! They’re super quick, incognito, and easy to do once you figure it out, but I do want to stress again that it’s going to be a while before you see any results.
Don’t know if you work better with goals, but 10 reps of 10 second holds, 200 reps a day, is what some anal queens say they can do. And based on their orgasms with chastity video evidence, I’m inclined to believe them. They say it took them 2 weeks to a month.
Anecdotal though.
Really helpful, thanks Emma :)
I’m sorry you’re going through circumstances that make transitioning difficult. My gender dysphoria is mild, but there are definitely social factors in my miserable little town that discourage me from crossdressing altogether because I’m expected to be a butch man and do butch man things due of my height and age (even though I’m a bottom who constantly tries to downplay/reduce his own masculinity). So this is more of a question than an answer…
I find putting a cage on for some reason instantly feminizes my posture and gait a bit. Not feeling a dangle or erection between my legs and having a cage on to advertise that I’m bottom-only is a positive affirmation of my true self that makes both looking at porn and simply being out in public in real life more fulfilling.
I saw a vaguely emo-looking guy at a convenience store the other day who was there with a more butch-looking guy, and some subconscious cue told me that the emo-looking guy was a bottom who was into some really kinky shit. I don’t know how to explain it, maybe it was his posture or facial communication or clothing color or something. I’ve never worn a chastity device so I don’t know for sure (and I would hope my partners like dicks as much as I do) but you can’t see a chastity device through clothing, so how do you advertise being a bottom in public?
Thanks :) I am sorry to hear about the discouraging social factors in your town too. I love the anecdote about the vaguely emo-looking guy.
That was a bad choice of words by me. Symbolizes would have been more appropriate than advertises, because no can tell I’m caged if I have pants on. I have this mental preoccupation with what if an orgy spontaneously happened lol or someone saw my cage - then it’d be truly advertised. The potential for that exists, which I find really hot. Like if I’m changing in a men’s change room at the gym ;)
I don’t have much knowledge about conveying bottomless - I need to learn more about that :P
That’s a good idea - I should change at the gym so guys can see my shaved body and my female athletic wear. I haven’t been to a gym in years, but I have access to one at my community college.
I hear that “gaydar” is a thing, but unfortunately it’s a thing I don’t have. It took me 6 months to work up the courage to ask a coworker if he was “queer in any capacity”. He answered the question with a yes, and he gave me this look like “what, you didn’t know?” He could be a transman for all I know, I’m just that dense. And it makes me think that other guys like me are equally dense and have no idea that I’m queer, which is a problem that I’d like to solve visually in a way that conveys as much information as possible. It’s good that you at least feel like a bottom. I personally would like to try wearing a buttplug at work (not that communicates anything).